Willkommen zur neuen monatlichen MÄNNCHEN Kolumne.
“Heute tragen die jungen Männer Bärte und spielen Gitarre. Sie sind lieb, melancholisch und sehr mit sich selbst beschäftigt. Für die Frauen wird das zum Problem.” (Nina Pauer, Die Zeit)
THE MÄNNCHEN MANIFEST
Emancipation is over.
It‘s time for MANCIPATION.
It’s time for RE-MANCIPATION.
Guys, we all know that one thing is for sure: Emancipation has gone too far, faaar too far. Women are suddenly our bosses, they can stink, fart, and have as much dirty dirty sex as they want, they tricked us, they outsmarted us! They overtook this world (our world!) with their ‘emotional intelligence‘ and all of a sudden, they became the stronger gender.
So far so good. No problem with that.
But suddenly, facing this great new power, women got confused in this new world order, even disoriented because something far worse happened: Not only have women become the new men – MEN HAVE BECOME THE NEW WOMEN!
There it is, women’s greatest fear, standing right in front of them: A crying man, feeling so damn emotional, in his new found sensitivity! Suddenly they face this new breed of little whiny boys, asking for their mummy to cuddle them. No strong shoulder to lean on, no nice little dominant command from the side, no dinner to be made, just a big bunch of wimps, being the opposite of sexy.
So, let us try to set these modern gender roles straight, once and for all.
Guys: ACCEPT THE PUSSY IN YOU.
It’s time to break the last big taboo.
It’s time to stand up, guys, and state
“Yes, I’m a pussy!”
But I’m also still this big bad wolf, this dirty old beast, this little rascal, this metrosexual macho man! I’ve only just learnt to think and feel, and even talk about what I’m feeling and trust me:
IT’S ALL NOT THAT BAD.
So don’t be afraid ladies.
We will still not go shopping with you, we will still stop listening when you start bitching about your best friends, we will still fuck your brains out if it’s needed. We have only just started shaving our genitals, we’ve also read ‘50 shades of grey‘ and we just discovered prostate stimulation. Hell, we’ve even learnt to fake an orgasm! Yes, who would have known.
Girls, we can be wimps whenever we want. We like it.
Maybe one day you’ll like it too, and before that, you can even try listening to our wonderfully unmanly & melancholic output.
Meanwhile, let’s just say we’re even.
Meanwhile, guys and girls –
Let’s just call us MÄNNCHEN.