Männchen Kolumne #1

Willkommen zur neuen monatlichen MÄNNCHEN Kolumne.
Heute tragen die jungen Männer Bärte und spielen Gitarre. Sie sind lieb, melancholisch und sehr mit sich selbst beschäftigt. Für die Frauen wird das zum                          Problem.“ (Nina Pauer, Die Zeit)

THE MÄNNCHEN MANIFEST

Emancipation is over.
It‘s time for MANCIPATION.
It’s time for RE-MANCIPATION.

Guys, we all know that one thing is for sure: Emancipation has gone too far, faaar too far. Women are suddenly our bosses, they can stink, fart, and have as much dirty dirty sex as they want, they tricked us, they outsmarted us! They overtook this world (our world!) with their ‘emotional intelligence‘ and all of a sudden, they became the stronger gender.

So far so good. No problem with that.

But suddenly, facing this great new power, women got confused in this new world order, even disoriented because something far worse happened: Not only have women become the new men – MEN HAVE BECOME THE NEW WOMEN!

There it is, women’s greatest fear, standing right in front of them: A crying man, feeling so damn emotional, in his new found sensitivity! Suddenly they face this new breed of little whiny boys, asking for their mummy to cuddle them. No strong shoulder to lean on, no nice little dominant command from the side, no dinner to be made, just a big bunch of wimps, being the opposite of sexy.

So, let us try to set these modern gender roles straight, once and for all.

Guys: ACCEPT THE PUSSY IN YOU.
It’s time to break the last big taboo.
It’s time to stand up, guys, and state
„Yes, I’m a pussy!“

But I’m also still this big bad wolf, this dirty old beast, this little rascal, this metrosexual macho man! I’ve only just learnt to think and feel, and even talk about what I’m feeling and trust me:

IT’S ALL NOT THAT BAD.

So don’t be afraid ladies.

We will still not go shopping with you, we will still stop listening when you start bitching about your best friends, we will still fuck your brains out if it’s needed. We have only just started shaving our genitals, we’ve also read ‘50 shades of grey‘ and we just discovered prostate stimulation. Hell, we’ve even learnt to fake an orgasm! Yes, who would have known.

Girls, we can be wimps whenever we want. We like it.

Maybe one day you’ll like it too, and before that, you can even try listening to our wonderfully unmanly & melancholic output.

Meanwhile, let’s just say we’re even.

Meanwhile, guys and girls –

Let’s just call us MÄNNCHEN.

5 Comments

  • Jonz sagt:

    nach den ganzen klugen sprüchen, die hier schon gemacht wurden, meine zwei bits dazu: transgender times ahead. das geht noch weiter. da geht noch mehr. auch und besonders für die weibchen. [stay tuned :)]

  • Nachtrag zu meinem Kommentar: Liebes Team, ich hoffe, ihr verzeiht, dass ich meine Email nicht angeben möchte. Wer sich die Mühe machen will, findet sie sowieso. Grüße, Julian

  • Botschaft? Ich darf meine weibliche Seite der Seele mehr erleben und zeigen? Das ist schon lange etabliert und akzeptiert. Einen persönlichen, vermutlich höchst biographischen Text zu einem Manifest zu erklären, entspricht exakt dem vermuteten Zustand des Autors: Offensichtlich ein Mann, der noch nicht erwachsen geworden ist. Und jetzt etwas spät darum kämpft, zur Geschlechts(!)Reife zu gelangen. Viel Erfolg wünsche ich von ganzem Herzen.

  • Tom sagt:

    This page is called im Gegenteil and yet no-one speaks up against this strange piece of art. Widerworte anyone? No – ok then it will be me.

    So emancipation is supposedly over, how so and what does the author(s) think that this emancipation means? I ask since from the text it seems a bit hazy.
    What is wrong with women as bosses? In a perfect world positions are given by merit and if your own skills are not enough to stand on the top what is the difference if the one that does is a boy or a girl. However since we are not in a perfect world it does indeed matter which gender the boss has and that is by far and large almost ever still a guy, how can emancipation – a fight to get man and women on equal footing – be over?

    I personally believe the whole stronger or weaker gender is a complete misconception. People come in many forms and sizes. There are women who outsmart you, that are stronger, tougher and meaner than you. So what? It is very unlikely the author is the smartest, strongest, toughest and meanest person on the planet. Assuming that is the case one could ask why there are no problems with accepting guys that are better when there is the problem to grant the same thing to women that are?

    Also the idea that men have become the new women (btw. that sentence is in itself showing a lot of subconscious disrespect), hence expressing that the new man born of emancipation is weak and of lower quality like (previously) women. Can the author please elaborate in which ways emancipation of women thus the desire to be received as equal based on merit and not gender is in any way taking anything away from us men. I would postulate that the weaknesses are largely the same but since we (boys and girls) now look closer realize them a lot more prominently.

    The author(s) also claim that girls who are suddenly in power are in fear weaker men. So let’s assume that’s the case, in an ideal world based on your merit being the toughest one you rise to the top no matter whether you are a boy or a girl it is likely that there are fewer smarter and stronger persons above you than there are weaker and less smart people in the ranks below. So it’s a bit difficult to find someone equal or even above. Men have in the past traditionally dealt with the fact by settling for women with lower rank and status. That’s the accepted pattern. So girls once you have climbed up there you have the choice, do as we men do and pick someone who is half your class (might have other benefits) or take the difficult road to find someone equal.

    Another question that comes to mind is why the author portraits guys with emotions as weak? I would say guys without emotions are not strong just unreflecting and rude. Emotions are just emotions and have are no sole indicator whether a person is strong or not. Tell me you strong women out there in the blog, have you ever cried out of anger or pain? And did your tears make you a weak person? Or is it the other way round that not your pain matter but standing up again and not giving up defines whether you are strong person or not.

    Last but not least, how in the world is the last part of the text connected to the beginning? First the author(s) complained that the girls have tricked us guys with the emancipation and made us weak, so it is time to re-mancipate again. Yet at the end full 180° turn, guys are to accept their new found emotions and weaknesses but fear not girls there is still this manly man somewhere down there. Not only is that in no way connected to emancipation that supposedly went too far thus requires re-mancipation nor is it in any way connected to what emancipation actually means.

    Ending on a personal note since the author has not given any indication what the emancipation process of women was actually good for: I can’t speak for the girls but for me it means that an increasing number of smart and daring women to enter the scene. They are an inspiration and challenge so I am delighted and not frightened because a society driven by merit not gender is a lot more productive and innovative. Just to imagine living in the world of our ancestors’ man on top, women always in the shadow; boy would that be boring. Much better this way and yet much more to do. 🙂

    So dear author(s) back to the drawing board, I am sure you can do better with Männchen Kolumne #2.

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